He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
