My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
