i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
