Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
