Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
