Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
