Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
