Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
