First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
