it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
