shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
