Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
