I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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