At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
can u get pink eye on your cock?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
