I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
