Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
