Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
