I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
