People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
