my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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