I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
