Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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