my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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