i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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