Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
