Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
