escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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