I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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