You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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