So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Small penises have feelings too.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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