i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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