There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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