I wish they made helmets for livers.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
