we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
