I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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