He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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