Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
