he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
