Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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