omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
