I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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