saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Found the puke drawer
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
