Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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