Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
we're chasing vodka with high fives
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
