So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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