you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
did i walk over a car last night?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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