i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
