She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize