love makes seman taste better
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
