Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
